it's fall y'all

the coziest season has returned.

Watching the leaves change in a new space is deeply satisfying. I've always loved fall, it brings me a sense of determination and productivity that I've always really appreciated. Maybe it's the autumn coffee aesthetic that keeps me so motivated, or the fact that when fall hits I've finally gotten into the swing of things with school.

This fall I'm finding myself wanting to be more intentional with my time, more disciplined. There's so much to learn here, and I want to quit allowing myself to be lazy with the time I've been given. I'm trying to devote myelf to my studies in a way that I haven't before, to actually go through class notes again and spend some time with the subjects outside of the obligatory class period and homework. I'm trying to learn new skills, I've picked up German and I'm hoping to start another language next semester. I'm cooking more, and becoming more creative with my food. It's nice honestly, I find it very enjoyable to cook and to share food, it's become a large part of my life here.

A slightly different, more personal, area of learning I'm trying to break into is learning to enjoy being by myself. That's not always easy for me, I'm a social creature. It's not that I'm incapable of being alone I just don't enjoy it as much as I feel I should in order to be a more independent person. I've never understood when people say they need alone time to "recharge", it's never left me energized. I am alone when I'm upset and don't want to bring my raincloud to the table, or when everyone else is busy. I want to change that, I want to be able to go on small ventures alone and not feel weird about it, to sit down and eat at a restaurant without frantically texting someone to join. I want to spend time alone and not feel like I've wasted it.

I'm not sure what personal development is supposed to look like really, but I think I'm in the middle of it. It's weird that fall is a season of harvest, because for me it's looking like a season of growth. And that's pretty cool.

(P.S. sorry if you were expecting this to be about cute, fun fall shit)