LIMBO...but not the party kind

I am in limbo.

And I have been, for a while now I suppose. Maybe it's just the plight of a college student to be constantly displaced. When I'm home I miss the home I've made for myself in other places, and sometimes it feels like coming home is leaving my independence at the door. I don't fit into my old twin best quite how I used to, metaphorically speaking at least, I am a rather short person so the whole twin bed thing isn't a huge issue but you get my drift, I've g r o w n.

Currently, I am home but preparing to move overseas and after I've finished my year abroad I'll come home for another three months only to move into an apartment after which who knows where I'll be. Every resting place feels temporary. Even the house I've lived in my whole life feels temporary, because I know I'm leaving soon, and I know I can always come back but I'm growing weary of this constant split between home and home. I'm outgrowing my old life, but have nowhere to unpack the new one.

College is weird, and growing up is weird, and sometimes it all just feels like limbo. Feels like you can't make plans because you're waiting for a call from a possible employer or you haven't yet unpacked everything from your dorm or you're saving money for an apartment in France. Feels like wondering if it's worth it to fully unpack, to settle in, because you know in a month and a half you'll begin packing again. Feels like missing out on huge parts of your life to make room for new ones, like breaking up because a heartbreaking goodbye is better than an ugly skype call gone wrong, like the best decision you've ever made is also standing between you and the people and things that make you happy. Feels like you can't enjoy being at school and gaining independence because you're not homesick enough for your parents to feel appreciated even though this is what they've raised you for: to chase, to run, to dream and do. Feels like limbo, and the pole keeps getting lower and you're a little off balance. Feels like growing up. Feels weird.